プレゼントと不用品のあいだ – 生きる歯ごたえ

プレゼントと不用品のあいだ

プレゼントやサプライズ、好きな方いらっしゃいますよね。
それ自体は全然悪いことじゃないし、あの人を喜ばせたい!という
気持ちはとても素晴らしいものです。

私はけっこう悩んで決められないので、
さらっと出来る人はすごいな…と感心しています。

さらに誰に何を贈ったのか記憶がごちゃごちゃしてしまうので、
忘備録として贈った物とリアクションなどを簡単に書いて
楽天ROOMにコレクション作ってます。

ミニマリストとプレゼント

ここ数年はミニマリストを公言する人が増えてきて、
物を贈るハードルが上がりましたね。

物か、消え物か、事前に聞くべきか、そもそもない方がいいのか…
あげる側になった時は悩みますが、
『物を贈り合うことが当たり前』
という風潮が薄れてきたのはミニマリスト側としてはありがたい限り。

(あとは職場のバレンタインをどうにかしたい。
物への考え方とジェンダーの両方が絡む、かなり面倒な行事だと思いませんか?)

物をもらわない工夫

  • クリスマスやバレンタイン、自分の誕生日前後は人と会わない
  • 普段からSNSなどでミニマリストアピールをしておく
  • 物へのこだわりが強いアピールをしておく
  • 誕生日をSNSに登録しない、リアルの場で公言しない、アカウント名に数字の羅列として付けない
  • お店のノベルティとかは断る

それでももらってしまったら

  • 寄付する
  • メルカリで売る

物をもらったら無条件に感謝しなくてはいけなくて、
手放すのは本当に使い切ってからにしないといけない。

そんな思い込みがあって、物が増えても手放せなくて
使用頻度の低い頂き物で、狭い収納が埋まってしまう。
『今の自分』に本当に必要だと思う物すら買えなかった時期がありました。

『ミニマリスト』という概念に出会ってからは、
手放していいんだ…。という安堵感で、今は割と悩まずに手放せています。
あげた人の目的は、あげた瞬間に達成しているので失礼には当たらないと割り切って。

Apple Storeみたいな部屋を目指してるのに、ドンキやヴィレヴァンになってしまう…。
みたいな矛盾した状況を作らないためにも、割り切りは必要です。

断捨離は強要しちゃいけない

矛盾するようですが、あくまで物を整理するのは物の所有者の意思、
および共有している物なら合意が必要になります。

「パートナーが大切にしている物を勝手に捨てる」
これもDVに該当するそうです。
パートナーの部屋が散らかり放題のいわゆる汚部屋だったら
衛生面や、災害時のことを思って心配になるのはすごく分かります。

あくまで自分が自分の物を整理して、すっきりして清々しい姿を見せることで
いつかパートナーも「断捨離してみるか!」と思ってくれたらラッキー
ぐらいに思ってるのがちょうどいいですね。

ちなみに、私の実家は大きめの地震にあっているんですが
物を多く所有しがちな父親は、散らかりまくった本やら趣味の道具やらを
片づけはしたものの、減らしはしなかったです…。
身の危険を感じる出来事があっても、正常性バイアスって強く働くんですねー

高齢者は、体力が衰える前や、認知症が出る前にごっそり整理しておくことで
介護者や遺族の負担を減らすことにもなるので、少しづつでもいいから
取り組んでおかれることをおすすめします。

ランドセルは贈るべきなのか?

先日、こんなツイートを見かけました。

ランドセルが7万円するににビビってましたが、「極力安くして、その代わりにパソコンとかタブレット買い与えた方がいい」とアドバイスいただいた。これはマジでその通りで、現代の小学生教育のお金の使い方だと思った。

@mennousan

ぶっちゃけ、今の小学生ってランドセル贈られてうれしいんですかね??
パソコンやスマホ等の通信機器の方が喜ばれるというのが
おそらく一般的な認識になりつつあるかと。

ランドセルは中古でも、Mac Book Pro持ってる小学生いたら
普通にうらやましいですよwww

  • 祖父母がランドセルを贈るべきである
  • みんなと一緒じゃないとかわいそう
  • 新品のランドセル買ってあげられない家庭と思われたくない

そんな大人側の世間体をうまく利用したランドセル商法ですよね!
高いし、重いし、デカい割に荷物入らないし、機能性も高くない。
子供が背負わされてると『忍耐』の象徴に見えるんですよねー

お下がりがあっても、学用品全般を新品で買わせる圧力は
業者との癒着でしかないし物自体の価値に対して値段高すぎ。

私は平成の小学生でしたが、小1の同級生にお下がりのランドセルを
使っている子がいました。
別に全然変だと思わなかったし、むしろダメージがかっこいいから
真似して自分の新品ランドセルをつぶして傷めてたぐらい。(昭和のヤンキーか?)

『学校に行けること』
それ自体がステータスだった世代がいることは事実
学校で勉強し、労働者としての適応力を高めることが生存戦略として
機能していた時代があったのも事実

しかし、今の学校は同調圧力で子供をしばるものの、
忍耐力だけで金が稼げる時代ではありません。
頑張って、血の滲む思いで適応しても精神を病むだけだったりする。

祖父母や親が自分たちの世代の価値観で買い与えた物を、現代の子供が喜ぶとは限らない
そして、喜ばなかった子供を誰も責めることはできないはずです。

「感謝しなさい」は強制できるのか?

ランドセルの件で、小学生時代のことを思い出しました。

祖父母が新品のランドセルを買ってくれたんですが、全然嬉しくなかった。
当時は色のバリエーションも少なくて、「何色がいい?」
とは聞かれず、有無を言わさず赤だった。女子だから。

小学生になることが自分の中で不名誉なことだったから、
その象徴のランドセルも負担に感じていた。
(初潮が始まったらなぜか祝われて炊かれるお赤飯みたいな認識)

姉がいるので、小学校がどんな世界なのか薄々知ってはいたんですよ。
で、入学前から行きたくなかったんですよwww
保育園を登園拒否するぐらいには集団生活に適応できない子供なので、当然です。

ランドセルとか学用品とか新品を買ってもらえたんですが、
真っ先に、お下がりあるのに何で買うの?という疑問が噴出した。

ほしいおもちゃは買ってもらえず、お下がりなのに
なんで新品の学用品に金を使うのか?と
たぶん、かなり直接的な言葉で抗議したと思います。

親も祖父母も困惑していた。
引きつった笑顔でランドセルをしょった写真を覚えている。

このランドセル事件以前にも、親戚の方から頂いたファンシーで子供らしい
お土産が気に入らなくて「ありがとうって言いなさい」と言われて
ブチ切れて大泣きした事件がありました。

「嘘はいけません」と「ほしくなくても感謝しなさい」が
完全に矛盾したから、物のやりとりが苦痛になってしまった。
子供らしい感謝のパフォーマンスを繰り返してたら虚無になった。

要らない物でも感謝しろ
要らない善意でも感謝しろ
お前の意思は関係ない
相手の意思の尊重が全て

こういうのもうやめればいいと思う。
そんな対応に困る場合にどうするか?
一方的な我慢以外の解決策を子供時代から教えるべき。
相手の意思を尊重しつつ、自分の意思も伝える話し合いをする機会が極端に少ない。

子供だから話し合いは必要ない、女だから話し合いは必要ない、とか
相手の意志を無視して、世間的に正しいとされる価値観を押し付けられるのは
もうこりごりなんだよ。

恥ずかしいから、不器用だから、受け取る側が努力しろとか
根本的に他者との合意形成が出来ない大人が多すぎ。
目の前の人間を見ろ。意思疎通する努力をしろ。

marizawa

人生に飽きっぽくて、生きる歯ごたえを探しながら生きてます。 少ない労働と少ない消費で生き延びつつ、FIRE目指して準備中。 副業歴はブログ3回ほど挫折、DIYのYouTubeチャンネル開設(更新少ないけど継続中)、今4度目のブログ。 投資歴はFX1年ほど(休止中)、積立NISAと積立仮想通貨1年目。 発達障害(ASD)傾向ありのうつ病 【Twitter】@85_tae 【YouTube】https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC27zMz4qKnEprx8ohPzVpGg?view_as=subscriber

あわせて読みたい

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